Sunday, August 2, 2009

Cassie's Short Story On Why She Doesn't Write

This was too funny not to share.... Ginger

Not A Writer by Cassie Sanders

    I want to write. I said to myself.  So I sat down, opened my laptop and proceeded to stare at the screen.  What should I write? I wondered.  I like science fiction so maybe I should write a story in that genre.  Okay we’ve made progress.  

For some reason the blinking cursor doesn’t agree with me.  

  Next step, stories need to have a purpose.  Okay we can do purpose lets see, I was thinking the other day that planets usually have seasons but what if there are two suns and then it wouldn’t really have four seasons like we have here on earth.  

The cursor continues to blink...

    Okay, this is good we have material.  Lets write a story about someone trapped on a planet that he knows nothing about and he’s trying to figure out what the seasons or weather is going to be like.  Well how much knowledge can we reasonably assume that he has.  Can he figure out from the hair coat of the animals how bad winter will be?  Or maybe the flow of the land and how the water has eroded the river bank, assuming of course there are rivers. How much does the average person actually know about the small things in life, I wondered? 

The cursor continues to blink...

    Well maybe he knows a few things, but will people believe that this one guy just happens to know how to do all the things he needs to live?  I mean take for example, fire.  Does it really work like they say, twirl sticks together?  I’ve read enough books to know that it probably isn’t that simple but do most people know that or is it just me that knows so therefore the average person who doesn’t read as much wouldn’t know that.  Am I really going to have to go outside and get two sticks and see if I can make a fire before I can write about him making a fire based on the same principles?
  Well maybe not, I mean I wouldn’t try that first, first I would bang rocks together to see if I could get something to spark.  

The cursor continues blinking.

  I wonder how candles are made?  I mean what is he going to do with the fire once he makes it.  Wait a moment, do I even really know how wax is made?  No, okay, let’s start there, research is good. Open Google and see how wax is made, maybe most normal people know this and I can use that.  
  Okay, Wax, three kinds.  There is no way the guy is going to be able to refine petroleum into wax, scratch one.  Bees make wax too but what if there aren’t any bees? Plus bees are dangerous, scratch two.  Oh, look at this, you can make wax from plants that have waxy leaves.  All you have to do is boil the plants in water and skim the wax off the top.  
  Which brings us back to the original problem of needing fire to boil the plants.  There is no way this guy is going to know how to make wax, besides it probably isn’t high on the priority list.

I have a revelation...

You know, if I’m making this up I suppose I could just make a wax tree and that would solve the problem.  And what about a fire tree, little miss smarty? I smirked to myself. 

The page is still empty, I have learned how to make wax and we all now know why I’m not a writer...

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