R -Rated Bingo & Sh*t From Your Pockets

I’m a little late on this but I was busy hanging out in Florida. Its way too hot there and I didn’t see and alligator. *snif*

Monday night I made it back in town in time to actually play BINGO at the biker bar by the Greyhound station. I took my friend. I don’t think we can ever go back…. OK well she might not be able to. They have laws about baring your breasts in public. There were at least 3 long island ice teas that were a precursor to these actions (on her part I as usual was drinking Hef.)

Turns out this is sort of a white elephant BINGO as well as bar goodies. People bring in stuff. The old gay guy brought in some cross stitched teddy bear thing in a frame and some one won it in a game. It is a very interesting crowd of regulars. Old ladies from New York dressed finely, mingling with gay biker dudes and not so gay biker dudes and the BINGO stud who would probably mount a stuffed Chihuahua given any encouragement.

Seriously, He was having fun coming over to us and making graphically nasty propositions…. Now we might have been encouraging him a bit with my friend flashing her boobs and all…. Anyway. I was on the phone and he was saying some cutely nasty stuff and I handed him the phone and said “Say that to the phone!” Which he did with great glee in great detail………to my husband ….Who by the way is an extremely good sport. When I got the phone back he said “Honey, I would be worried about that guy.” “No worry honey I am twice his size and sober. I can take him.” I said . “OK, have fun!” honey says.

Much later in the evening when BINGO stud was trying to talk my friend over to his place and said “Your husband is on the other side of the mountains.” I said “Yes, but MY husband lives a mile away from him and you just spoke to HIM on the phone.”BINGO stud said. “I quit.” I’m running away now!” HA!

SO here’s how it works. For .50 you get a card. There are 3 cards on a strip so most people buy $3 worth (2 strips) I think one of the little old ladies buys 10 strips and she wins almost every game….

The first part of the game is any straight line BINGO. Then the person who wins gets to pick a pattern off the sheet of options. Most people tend to pick “The Butthole” in a normal BINGO parlor this is known as “The Small Picture Frame” but hey, this is biker bar BINGO.
Then the game progresses to a blackout. For the first two parts the winner gets a buck and some prize. The teddy bear needlepoint or a wind chime or the BINGO caller’s underwear.. you get the idea. The last part, the blackout, you get some money. Around $15 or so.
They have one game where the cards are $1 each and the bar must chip in because you win some decent money and a serious prize…like a camera or a 30” T.V.
Then…there is the LAST game. “Sh*t From Your Pockets”. The BINGO caller goes around to everyone and gathers “Sh*t From Your Pockets” and puts it in a basket. Whoever gets a blackout first wins everything in the basket.

Guess which game I won ..... Yep…..“Sh*t From Your Pockets”.
I won:

$12.67
a menu from the Voodoo Doughnut stand and wedding castle in Portland
paper napkin rose
purple pearl tampon
basketball keychain & bottle opener
shampoo from Shilo inn
business card for "Drix the computer geek"
pen
1/2 taquito
1/2 cigarette
matches from Tan Republic
walmart receipt for a fenshui CD$

A pretty good haul. I think I made a little $$$ and I really needed the shampoo.

Bingo, The Bar, & Bad Fairies

Last night was one of those weird happenings that came about, well, I’m not sure how it really came about except it was late, I was exhausted and I needed food.

hhhhhhhh

I’ve been working out of town on and off, mostly on, and I stay at this one old motel. It is quaint and homey, close and if I leave my laptop cord there I know I’ll get it back. It is also across the street from the Greyhound Bus station and next to the Greyhound station is a bar. I have avoided the bar because it looks a little hard core and …it’s next to the Greyhound station and it’s a bar.

Last week my friend and I discovered a REALLY nice Italian restaurant (you may read $$$ into that as well as fantastic food) a couple blocks away from the motel. (That was another wine experience I can relate later.) and I knew that the Italian place was usually open late so I headed over there in anticipation of a great meal and some good wine. They politely informed me that the kitchen had just CLOSED. Ackkkk. The waiter pointed in the opposite direction of my motel and said there was another place 2 blocks away that was sure to be open. I headed off in that direction. After a block I was really wondering. It looked like there was nothing in the distance that was open. That’s because there wasn’t. In fact it looked like this part of the city had been quarantined and I missed it. All places closed. The outcome was an 8 block circle back to my motel in which I saw ONE other person. I decided to be brave and headed for the bar.

I passed the bus depot, nodded at a sketchy looking character hanging out at the door and went into the bar. There was large sign at the door that said “BIKERS WELCOME”. Hummmm…. I was immediately VERY enthusiastically greeted by a several little old ladies armed with booze and BINGO daubers, a BINGO caller that looked like the Oak Ridge Boy with all the hair crossed with biker (obviously in the right place) and the humor of George Carlin, and a young guy with a voice like a D.J. Yes, they were playing BINGO in the bar. All you can eat spaghetti and BINGO on Monday nights. $5.95 The BINGO caller announced “I-18… I love it when they’re 18.”….oh boy. Too funny. I wonder what happens when he calls O-69? I explain that I can’t play BINGO right now because I am still handling a crisis at work by phone and am starving. Next week, I promise.

I ordered a Hef. Now I give reviews on great wines but when it comes to beer if you don’t know what a Hef is..just go somewhere and say “Give me a Hef please.” When you want a beer that is the one. I opened the menu dreading the prospect of “bar food”… the menu was loaded with wonderful sounding items, many vegetarian. I AM SHOCKED. Beer, BINGO and some great food all at a very reasonable price. I got my beer and got on the phone and work on the issue at hand for a bit. My salad comes and it is huge and full of yummy stuff. My beer seems to have vanished in synchronicity with its appropriate yumminess. I order another. My sandwich comes it is fantastic. I feel stupid. This place has been ½ block from my motel the whole time.

People at the bar are friendly. It is a very nice slightly cavernous homey place. The BINGO caller announces a trivia contest. Mostly about Mr. T. I know almost nothing about Mr. T except he had some auspicious bling, but it is funny as hell. Then he says, “The next trivia question….What is MY NAME?” Someone shouts out something and he says YES! I shout out “STUD?” He looks over and says in his sexy D.J. voice. “That is not correct …BUT YOU WIN!” My phone rings again for some work crisis. I answer the phone on the way to the BINGO caller table as the Bingo Stud yells. .. “GINGER WINS A PAIR OF MENS UNDERWEAR.” The guy on the phone says “WHAT THE HELL?” I have to explain… a girl has to eat. In actuality I won a Southern Comfort shot glass, sadly empty of Southern Comfort.

Now I am having way too much fun when the guy on the stool at the corner of the bar says “You should have been here on Sunday. It was fetish night. I wasn’t wearing black so they didn’t let me in.” YIKES! He said he went on down the street the other bar that was hosting “Bad Fairy Night”…Now that sounds just plain scary. I think I’ll start with BINGO night.
All in all I had more fun there than I have had anywhere I have been in the many months I have been here. Before the last BINGO game the Oak Ridge Boy came over and gave me a hand written invitation on a BINGO card to come play next week. Very sweet, I will definitely be there! Bad fairies STAY AWAY!

As I walked out the door The Bingo Stud said, “Please come back soon. I am single, relatively disease free and have a college degree.”

A pretty good recommendation these days.